A four-year study of black soot has found it guilty of major crimes against the environment. This groundbreaking study has linked brick kilns and wood-fired stoves to the production of a major pollutant, second only to the known evils of carbon dioxide.
A huge amount of legislation will no doubt be quickly passed to restrict the production of black soot, including banning all of the following sources:
- Beltane fires attended by nude hippies
- wood-fired backyard pizza ovens
- pottery kilns used for making environmentally-friendly and insanely overpriced coffee mugs
- Wicker Men
- Guy Fawkes Night bonfires
- Bushfires, both natural and arson-inspired
- Controlled burning of firebreaks
- Quaint gay-friendly B&Bs in the Tasmanian wilderness featuring open log fires
Of course. You'd be exactly right.
So why do we pride ourselves on changing the world when we install a piss-ant eco-lightbulb and solar panels that only work if you prime them with a massive government rebate?