This just in from the ALP media centre:
The dastardly Tony Abbott - not content with grinding the faces of the poor and chaining stray women to kitchen sinks while refusing them IVF - has forced the Australian Federal Police to summons the clearly innocent feminist and Husband of the Year-elect Peter Slipper to appear in the Canberra Magistrates Court on trumped-up charges of dishonestly causing a risk of a loss to the Commonwealth.
This cheap attempt at smearing the Federal government reeks of the misogyny and negativity we have come to associate with Mr Abbott and his league of sexist pigs on the front bench.
The Prime Minister was unavailable for comment, being stricken with grief at the thought of what her father would have said about the sorry state of parliamentary conduct by the Opposition. She is also struggling with the fact that over 22 million Australians are currently living below the poverty line, barely coping on less than $9000 a fortnight.
The only consolation to the distraught Ms Gillard is the knowledge that her steadfast Attorney General is busy using the limitless resources of the Commonwealth of Australia to ensure that Mr Slipper has adequate legal representation of at least 16 senior counsel, and that he will obtain a fair hearing before Canberra magistrate H V 'Doc' Evatt-Jones, lifetime ALP supporter.